Dare to Desire: Denis Marquet, CBT, and Embracing Your Deepest Values

In brief: Deep desires are not ego's whims but signals of a life striving for fulfillment. Denis Marquet, author of the manifesto "Dare to Desire Everything," and contemporary CBT, particularly ACT, converge on an essential distinction: surface desires (to consume, please, avoid suffering) versus deep desires (to create, truly love, serve, surpass oneself). The latter coincide with what ACT calls "values." We stifle our desires through early schemas, limiting automatic thoughts, and fear of failure. To rediscover them, a simple exercise: complete the sentence "If I weren't afraid of anything, I would..." ten times. Then, identify the beliefs that block you, clarify your true values, and take one concrete action each week. Honoring your deep desires, even in the face of the discomfort they awaken, transforms survival into true living.

Step 1 — The Self. The first article in a 4-step series with Denis Marquet, following a progression: The Self → The Psyche → Spirituality. Let's start with the basics: who am I really, and what do I deeply desire? Denis Marquet, philosopher and doctor of science, published a manifesto in 2008 that transformed how thousands of readers related to their aspirations: Dare to Desire Everything. His central thesis is radical: our deep desires are not ego's whims but signals of a life striving for fulfillment. Refusing to listen to your essential desires is to betray yourself. This philosophical intuition surprisingly overlaps with what contemporary CBT — and particularly ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) — formalizes under another name: values.

Superficial vs. Deep Desire

Marquet distinguishes two levels:

• Surface desires: to consume, possess, please, avoid suffering. Born of anxiety and ego.


• Deep desires: to create, truly love, serve, surpass oneself, transmit. Arising from the heart, from the life that flows through us.

The confusion between the two is the source of contemporary malaise: we think we desire a promotion, a new purchase, social validation — when in reality, we desire to be seen for who we are, to do meaningful work, to love and be loved.

The Parallel with ACT

Steven Hayes, founder of ACT, distinguishes almost identically between goals (finite, related to doing) and values (directions, related to being). When Marquet says "dare to desire everything," ACT responds "clarify your values and align your actions."

ACT Tool: The 80th Birthday Exercise Imagine your 80th birthday. Who is there? What do they say about you? What are they celebrating? The answers point to your true values — which often coincide with what Marquet calls deep desires.

Why We Stifle Our Desires

CBT identifies several mechanisms that Marquet discusses in his work:

Early Maladaptive Schemas (Young): A child repeatedly told they were "too much" (too sensitive, too ambitious, too lively) learns to self-censor. As an adult, they confuse this censorship with their own voice. Automatic Thoughts (Beck): "That's not reasonable," "Others will judge me," "I don't deserve it." These repetitive voices extinguish desire before it can even be expressed. Experiential Avoidance (ACT): Desiring is scary, because desiring exposes one to the possibility of failure, disappointment, and judgment. Many prefer to desire nothing rather than take that risk.

The CBT Protocol for Desire

Step 1: Identify Stifled Desires

Exercise: Complete the sentence "If I weren't afraid of anything, I would..." aloud 10 times. The first 5 responses are often trivialities; the next 5 reveal what is truly there.

Step 2: Unmask Limiting Beliefs

For each desire that emerges, ask yourself: "What is stopping me from moving in this direction?" The answers are beliefs to be restructured ("It's unrealistic," "It's selfish," "It's too late").

Step 3: Committed Actions (ACT)

Marquet states it clearly: unacted desire becomes poison. Choose one concrete action this week that honors a deep desire, even a microscopic one. Write for 10 minutes, contact that person, enroll in that course.

Step 4: Welcome the Accompanying Discomfort

Daring a deep desire always awakens fear, guilt, and doubt. Third-wave CBT teaches us to welcome these emotions without submitting to them. They accompany the movement; they don't prevent it.

The Trap of "Desiring Everything"

Beware of misinterpretation: Marquet does not advocate for all-encompassing egoic desire. He calls for desiring what is truly you, not what society suggests you should want. Between a deep desire misaligned with our values and a poorly calibrated "rational" choice, there is a third path: clarified values, followed by committed actions.

What Marquet Adds Beyond ACT

Marquet's philosophy adds a dimension that scientific CBT often leaves on the periphery: the spiritual dimension of desire. For him, deep desire is not an individual construct — it is a call, a vocation, sometimes a transcendence. This perspective does not oppose CBT; it complements it for those who are receptive to it.

When to Seek Professional Help?

• Feeling like you're living a life 'not your own'
• Chronic frustration without an identifiable cause
• Existential emptiness despite an apparently successful life
• Paralyzing fear of desiring, asking, or choosing
• Attempting an important decision (career, relationship, place of residence)

Key Takeaways

Denis Marquet reminds us of something CBT sometimes tends to forget: stifling your deep desires makes you ill; honoring them makes you alive. The CBT/ACT approach provides tools to distinguish surface desires from deep desires, restructure stifling beliefs, and act in the direction of what truly matters.

If you feel you are 'surviving' more than living, values-oriented CBT can shed light on the essential desires that are still there, buried under years of conformity.

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Next in the series: After daring to listen to your desires, how does this 'self' encounter others? This is the subject of the next article on Our Children Are Wonders — Step 2: The Relational Psyche.