Unlocking Deep Desires: Denis Marquet's Philosophy Meets CBT & ACT

In brief: Deep desires are not the ego's whims but signals of a life seeking fulfillment. Denis Marquet, author of the manifesto "Dare to Desire Everything," and contemporary CBT, particularly ACT, converge on an essential distinction: superficial desires (to consume, please, avoid suffering) versus deep desires (to create, truly love, serve, surpass oneself). The latter coincide with what ACT calls "values." We stifle our desires through early schemas, limiting automatic thoughts, and fear of failure. To rediscover them, a simple exercise: complete ten times "If I weren't afraid of anything, I would...". Then, identify the beliefs that block you, clarify your true values, and take one concrete action each week. Honoring deep desires, even in the face of the discomfort they awaken, transforms mere survival into true living.

Step 1 — The Self. This is the first article in a 4-step series with Denis Marquet, following a progression: the Self → the Psyche → Spirituality. Let's start with the basics: who am I really, and what do I deeply desire? Denis Marquet, a philosopher and doctor of science, published a manifesto in 2008 that transformed how thousands of readers relate to their aspirations: Oser désirer tout (Dare to Desire Everything). His central thesis is radical: our deep desires are not the ego's whims but signals of a life seeking fulfillment. Refusing to listen to one's essential desires is a betrayal of self. This philosophical intuition surprisingly aligns with what contemporary CBT — and particularly ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) — formalizes under another name: values.

Superficial Desire vs. Deep Desire

Marquet distinguishes two levels:

• Superficial desires: to consume, possess, please, avoid suffering. Born from anxiety and ego.


• Deep desires: to create, truly love, serve, surpass oneself, transmit. Stemming from the heart, from the life that flows through us.

The confusion between the two is the source of contemporary malaise: we think we desire a promotion, a new purchase, social validation — when in reality, we desire to be seen for who we are, to make a useful contribution, to love and be loved.

The Parallel with ACT

Steven Hayes, founder of ACT, distinguishes almost identically between goals (finite, related to doing) and values (directions, related to being). When Marquet says "dare to desire everything," ACT responds "clarify your values and align your actions."

ACT Tool: The 80th Birthday Exercise Imagine your 80th birthday. Who is there? What do they say about you? What are they celebrating? The answers point to your true values — which often coincide with what Marquet calls deep desires.

Why We Stifle Our Desires

CBT identifies several mechanisms that Marquet discusses in his work:

Early Maladaptive Schemas (Young): The child who was told they were "too much" (too sensitive, too ambitious, too lively) learns to self-censor. As an adult, they confuse this censorship with their own voice. Automatic Thoughts (Beck): "It's not reasonable," "others will judge me," "I don't deserve it." These repetitive voices extinguish desire before it can even be expressed. Experiential Avoidance (ACT): Desiring is scary, because desiring exposes one to the possibility of failure, disappointment, judgment. Many prefer to desire nothing rather than take that risk.

The CBT Protocol for Desire

Step 1: Identify Stifled Desires

Exercise: Complete aloud 10 times the sentence "If I weren't afraid of anything, I would...". The first 5 answers are often trivialities; the next 5 reveal what is truly there.

Step 2: Unmask Limiting Beliefs

For each desire that emerges, ask yourself: "What prevents me from moving in this direction?" The answers are beliefs to restructure ("it's unrealistic," "it's selfish," "it's too late").

Step 3: Committed Actions (ACT)

Marquet states clearly: desire not acted upon becomes poison. Choose one concrete action this week that honors a deep desire, even a microscopic one. Write for 10 minutes, contact that person, sign up for that course.

Step 4: Welcome the Accompanying Discomfort

Daring a deep desire always awakens fear, guilt, doubt. Third-wave CBT teaches us to welcome these emotions without succumbing to them. They accompany the movement; they don't prevent it.

The Trap of "Desiring Everything"

Beware of misinterpretation: Marquet does not advocate for all-out egoistic desire. He calls for desiring what is truly you, not what society suggests you should want. Between a deep desire misaligned with our values and a poorly calibrated "rational" choice, there is a third path: clarified values, followed by committed actions.

What Marquet Adds Beyond ACT

Marquet's philosophy adds a dimension that scientific CBT tends to leave on the periphery: the spiritual dimension of desire. For him, deep desire is not an individual construct — it is a call, a vocation, sometimes a transcendence. This interpretation does not oppose CBT; it complements it for those who are receptive to it.

When to Seek Consultation?

• Feeling of living a life "not your own"
• Chronic frustration without identifiable cause
• Existential void despite an apparently successful life
• Paralyzing fear of desiring, asking, choosing
• Attempting an important decision (career, relationship, place of residence)

Key Takeaways

Denis Marquet reminds us of something that CBT sometimes tends to forget: stifling one's deep desires makes one ill; honoring them makes one alive. The CBT/ACT approach provides the tools to distinguish superficial from deep desires, restructure stifling beliefs, and act in the direction of what truly matters.

If you feel you are "surviving" more than living, values-oriented CBT work can bring to light the essential desires that are still there, buried under years of conformity.

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Next in the series: After daring to listen to one's desires, how does this "self" encounter others? This is the subject of the next article on Our Children Are Wonders — Step 2: The Relational Psyche.