Why You Believe Your Own Lies (And How to Stop)

Have you ever caught yourself thinking "nothing ever works out" after a minor setback? Or concluded that someone is upset with you because they didn't reply to your message? These mental shortcuts have a name: they're called cognitive distortions. And they influence your life far more than you realize.

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What is a Cognitive Distortion?

The concept of cognitive distortion was formalized in the 1960s by American psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck, considered the founding father of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). While working with depressed patients, Beck observed that their suffering wasn't solely linked to the events they experienced, but rather to how they interpreted those events.

A cognitive distortion is an automatic, systematic, and biased thinking pattern that distorts our perception of reality. It's not a lack of intelligence — it's a normal function of the human brain.

We're all subject to these distortions. The problem arises when they become rigid, repetitive, and invasive, to the point of fueling anxiety, dépression, relationship conflicts, or loss of self-confidence.

According to a study published in the Journal of Cognitive Therapy (2019), people with high levels of cognitive distortions have three times the risk of developing a major depressive episode. The good news? These thinking patterns can be identified, questioned, and transformed through CBT tools.

Here are the 10 most common cognitive distortions, as described by David Burns in his landmark work Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy (1980), with concrete examples and strategies for breaking free from them.

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1. Black-and-White Thinking (Dichotomous Thinking)

Definition

Black-and-white thinking means perceiving situations in absolute terms, without nuance: it's either black or white, perfect or failed, always or never. There is no middle ground.

Concrete Example

You've been following a diet for three weeks. One evening, you give in to a slice of chocolate cake at a dinner with friends. Your automatic thought: "That's it, I've ruined everything. Might as well give up completely." Result: you abandon the diet the next day, even though three weeks of effort remain intact.

At work, you deliver a presentation that receives mostly positive feedback, with just one constructive suggestion for improvement on a single point. Your conclusion: "It was terrible."

How CBT Helps Correct It

In CBT, you learn to identify the trigger (the slice of cake), the automatic thought ("everything is ruined"), and the associated émotion (discouragement).

Next, you question this thought: "Does a single slip-up really erase three weeks? On a scale of 0 to 10, where does my actual progress really stand?" The goal is to replace dichotomous thinking with a nuanced and realistic evaluation: "I had one slip-up, but my overall progress remains very positive."

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2. Overgeneralization

Definition

Overgeneralization means drawing a universal conclusion from a single event. One isolated failure becomes an immutable law. Typical keywords: "always," "never," "everyone," "nobody."

Concrete Example

You interview for a job that doesn't result in an offer. Your thought: "I never find work. Nobody wants me." You forget the previous interviews that went well, or the positions you've successfully held.

Another example: your partner forgets your birthday. You think: "He never pays attention to me. He doesn't care at all."

How CBT Helps Correct It

The therapist invites you to search for counterexamples. "Never, really? Can you name a situation where someone recognized your value?" You also work on distinguishing between an isolated fact and a general rule. The "evidence journal" technique allows you to collect daily events that contradict the generalized belief.

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3. Mental Filter (Selective Abstraction)

Definition

Mental filtering means focusing exclusively on a negative detail while ignoring all positive context. It's like wearing glasses that only let bad news through.

Concrete Example

You receive your annual performance review at work: nine positive points and one suggestion for improvement. Coming home, you can only think about this single remark. You turn it over in your mind all evening. The nine compliments? Forgotten.

Or: you organize a dinner for friends. Everyone has a great time, but one guest makes an offhand comment about how the dish was cooked. You're convinced the evening was a disaster.

How CBT Helps Correct It

CBT uses the panoramic vision technique: you learn to voluntarily widen your attention span. You note positive and negative elements of a situation in two columns, then compare objectively. The exercise almost always reveals a glaring imbalance between reality (mostly positive) and perception (focused on the negative).

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4. Dismissing the Positive

Definition

More insidious than mental filtering, this distortion involves actively rejecting positive experiences by transforming them into neutral or negative elements. It's not that you don't see the positive — you do, but you neutralize it.

Concrete Example

A colleague compliments your work. Your inner reaction: "He's just being polite, he doesn't really mean it." Your manager congratulates you for a successful project: "That's normal, it was easy; anyone could have done it."

You pass an exam with a good grade: "I was lucky; the questions were easy this year."

How CBT Helps Correct It

The therapist highlights the neutralization mechanism: "If someone criticizes you, you believe it immediately. If someone compliments you, you look for reasons not to believe it. Why this asymmetry?"

In CBT, you practice accepting the positive without filtering it, for example by keeping a "success journal" where you note three positive things each day — without minimizing them.

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5. Jumping to Conclusions

Definition

This distortion includes two mechanisms: mind reading (assuming what others think) and negative prediction (predicting the future pessimistically), all without concrete evidence.

Concrete Example

Mind reading: You run into a friend on the street who doesn't say hello. Your conclusion: "He's upset with me. I must have done something wrong." In reality, he was absorbed in his thoughts and simply didn't see you. Negative prediction: You need to speak up in a meeting next week. By Monday, you think: "It's going to be a disaster. I'll stammer, everyone will judge me as incompetent." Result: anxiety builds progressively, confirming your "prediction" through a self-fulfilling prophecy.

How CBT Helps Correct It

CBT teaches you to distinguish facts from interpretations. For mind reading: "What concrete evidence do you have that this person is upset? Are there other possible explanations?"

For negative prediction, you use the alternative scenarios technique: worst-case scenario, best-case scenario, and most likely scenario. In the vast majority of cases, the most likely scenario is much more moderate than the one you feared.

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6. Catastrophizing and Minimizing

Definition

Catastrophizing means exaggerating the importance of a negative event, while minimizing means reducing the importance of a positive event. David Burns compares this distortion to a pair of binoculars: you view problems through the magnifying end and achievements through the reducing end.

Concrete Example

Catastrophizing: You make a minor error in an email sent to a client. Your thought: "This is a disaster. I'm going to lose this client. My boss will call me in. I might lose my job." The error? A typo in a date. Minimizing: You get a promotion after two years of effort. Your reaction: "Meh, they didn't have anyone else. It's not a real achievement."

How CBT Helps Correct It

You use the perspective technique: "On a severity scale of 1 to 100, where does this email typo fall? And where does job loss fall?" By objectively comparing the event to genuinely serious situations, you realize how disproportionate your reaction is.

For minimizing, the therapist invites you to state facts objectively: "You were selected from among several candidates, after two years of consistent results. What facts justify saying this isn't an achievement?"

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7. Émotional Reasoning

Definition

Émotional reasoning means treating your emotions as evidence of reality. "I feel worthless, so I am worthless." "I feel guilty, so I must have done something wrong." The émotion becomes the truth.

Concrete Example

You feel intense discomfort before boarding a plane. Your thought: "I have a feeling something bad will happen. It's a premonition." In reality, your anxiety is the problem, not the plane.

Another example: after an argument with a friend, you feel intense guilt. Your conclusion: "If I feel this guilty, I must be wrong." Yet guilt can also be a learned pattern, independent of the actual situation.

How CBT Helps Correct It

CBT teaches you to separate émotion from fact. The therapist asks: "If you didn't feel this fear, would you still think the plane is going to crash?"

You practice rephrasing: instead of "I'm worthless," say "I feel worthless right now." This seemingly subtle distinction fundamentally changes your relationship to émotion: it's no longer a truth, but an piece of information to evaluate.

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8. False Obligations ("I should")

Definition

This distortion manifests through excessive use of "I should," "I must," "I have to." These rigid injunctions create a permanent gap between who you are and who you believe you should be, generating guilt (when directed at yourself) or frustration and anger (when aimed at others).

Concrete Example

"I should be able to handle everything without help." Result: you refuse to delegate, you exhaust yourself, then feel guilty for not managing. "She should understand how I feel without me having to tell her." Result: permanent frustration in your relationship, because your partner can't read your mind — and you resent them for it. "I should always be in a good mood." Result: you mask negative emotions until you explode.

How CBT Helps Correct It

In CBT, you identify "shoulds" and replace them with flexible preferences: "I'd like to be able to handle everything, but it's human and normal to ask for help."

You also question the origin of these injunctions: where does this rule come from? Who installed it? Is it realistic? This exploration helps loosen the grip of self-imposed obligations.

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9. Labeling

Definition

Labeling is an extreme form of overgeneralization: instead of describing a behavior, you paste a global and permanent label on yourself or others. You don't say "I made a mistake," but "I'm incompetent." You don't say "he was disagreeable," but "he's selfish."

Concrete Example

You forget an important appointment. Instead of thinking "I forgot this appointment, I'll apologize and organize myself better," you conclude: "I'm really irresponsible. People can't count on me."

Your teenager comes home with a poor report card. Your inner reaction: "He's lazy." The label is stuck, and it will influence all your future interactions with him.

How CBT Helps Correct It

The therapist helps you deconstruct the label: "Being irresponsible would mean you've never kept a commitment in your life. Is that the case?"

You learn to return to the specific behavior rather than the global judgment. "I forgot this appointment" is a fact. "I'm irresponsible" is a judgment that doesn't withstand evidence.

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10. Personalization

Definition

Personalization means taking responsibility for events that don't depend (or don't entirely depend) on you. It's believing that everything happening around you is a direct consequence of your actions.

Concrete Example

Your child is struggling at school. Your thought: "It's my fault. If I were a better parent, he wouldn't have these problems." You ignore dozens of other factors at play: adjusting to a new teacher, social dynamics, each child's unique learning pace.

Another example: at a party, the atmosphère is a bit subdued. You think: "It's because of me. I'm boring. People aren't having fun because I'm here."

How CBT Helps Correct It

CBT uses the responsibility pie technique: you list all the factors that can explain the situation (the child, the school, classmates, curriculum, fatigue, etc.) and assign each a percentage.

You usually realize that your share of responsibility is far smaller than you imagined. This visual, concrete exercise is particularly effective for gaining perspective.

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How to Spot Your Cognitive Distortions in Daily Life?

Identifying your cognitive distortions takes some practice, but it's a skill that develops. Here's a simple three-step method used in CBT:

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Step 1: Notice the Émotional Signal

Each time you feel an intense émotion that seems disproportionate (sudden anger, overwhelming anxiety, deep sadness after a minor event), pause. This émotion is a signal: a cognitive distortion is likely at work.

Step 2: Identify the Automatic Thought

Ask yourself: "What did I just tell myself? What thought went through my mind right before this émotion?" Write it down as is, even if it seems absurd once stated.

Step 3: Name the Distortion

Compare your thought to the list of 10 distortions. Is it black-and-white thinking? Overgeneralization? Émotional reasoning? Simply naming the distortion already reduces its grip.

According to research in affective neuroscience by Matthew Lieberman at UCLA (2007), the act of "labeling emotions" activates the prefrontal cortex and decreases amygdala activity, thus reducing emotional intensity.

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CBT: A Validated Method for Transforming Your Thoughts

Cognitive distortions aren't inevitable. Cognitive behavioral therapy is now recommended by the French Health Authority (HAS) and the World Health Organization (WHO) as first-line treatment for many anxiety and depressive disorders.

A meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin (Hofmann et al., 2012) covering 269 studies confirms its effectiveness, particularly in reducing negative automatic thoughts.

As a psychotherapist trained in CBT, I guide my clients through structured, progressive work:

Identification of recurring cognitive distortions

Questioning these thoughts using proven techniques

Replacement with more realistic and adaptive thoughts

Practice developing new thinking reflexes in daily life

This work isn't about "thinking positive" in a forced way. It's about developing more accurate, nuanced, and flexible thinking — what specialists call "cognitive flexibility."

Key Takeaway: Cognitive distortions are automatic thinking patterns that distort our perception of reality. We're all subject to them, but when they become rigid and invasive, they fuel anxiety, dépression, and relationship conflicts. CBT offers concrete, scientifically validated tools to identify, question, and transform them. Recognizing your distortions is the first step toward freer thinking.

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Also read: Take our cognitive profile test – free, anonymous, instant results.

Ready to Identify and Transform Your Thinking Patterns?

If you've recognized yourself in several of these cognitive distortions, know that this is completely normal — and that it can change. In just a few CBT sessions, it's possible to become aware of your thought patterns and develop more adaptive reflexes.

I support you in this journey with method and compassion, either in my Nantes office or through video consultation.

👉 Discover my practice and methodology

👉 Book an appointment

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Article written by Gildas Garrec, psychotherapist and CBT practitioner in Nantes. To go further, also discover the Karpman triangle and psychological games in your relationships and attachment styles: understanding how you love.

Also Read

• Lack of Confidence: Understanding, Overcoming, and Rebuilding Self-Esteem
• 10 CBT Exercises to Build Self-Esteem: A Complete Practical Guide
• Impostor Syndrome in Relationships: When You Think You Don't Deserve Love
• Do I Need a Therapist? 10 Unmistakable Signs

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