ScanMyLove: The Tool That Analyzes Your Couple Conversations

You're re-reading the same conversation for the tenth time, searching for what you're missing. A silence that lasted too long. A response that makes you doubt what you actually experienced. A pattern that seems to repeat, without you being able to name it precisely. What you're trying to see from the inside, clinical psychology can now read from the outside — straight from the raw text of your exchanges.

In the article that follows, I explore how to read your partner's messages. I also want you to know about ScanMyLove, a tool that analyses your conversations with your partner from a simple export of your exchanges. The results help you understand the interaction and the patterns at play in your relationship.

What is ScanMyLove?

ScanMyLove is a couple-conversation analysis platform built on 14 validated clinical psychology models. It isn't a playful test to share on social media: it's a tool designed by a CBT psychotherapist, applying to your written exchanges the same reading grids a professional would use in session.

The starting idea is simple: your daily messages — the hundreds or thousands of texts exchanged with your partner — contain power dynamics, attachment styles, and cognitive distortions you can't see because you're inside the relationship. ScanMyLove makes those patterns visible, with the text itself as evidence.

🔗 Analyze your conversations with ScanMyLove — Import a real conversation and let the 14 models decode the deep dynamics of your relationship, backed by facts.

What your conversations can reveal: the most searched-for situations

Before diving into the 14 models in detail, here's how ScanMyLove sheds light on the situations most frequently raised in therapy sessions — and most searched for online.

The silent treatment

A partner who suddenly stops responding, or who spaces out replies until they disappear, leaves a measurable footprint: an evolving response delay, a sharp break in message frequency, the gradual disappearance of affectionate markers. Analyzing the timeline and response times pinpoints precisely when the shift happened, and distinguishes a simple rough patch from an established disengagement.

Gaslighting and cognitive distortions

Gaslighting works through an accumulation of small denials ("you're making that up," "I never said that," "you're too sensitive"). Taken individually, these messages look harmless. Compiled over weeks by the cognitive distortions (CBT) module, they draw out a repetitive pattern that's hard to deny once laid out side by side.

Anxious or avoidant attachment in texts

An attachment style shows up in writing: message frequency, need for reassurance, reaction to silence, the tendency to send multiple unanswered messages (anxious) or, conversely, to deliberately delay replies (avoidant). The attachment styles (Bowlby) module cross-references these indicators for each partner and objectifies a dynamic that's often felt only vaguely — a text left "pending" for three hours doesn't mean the same thing depending on the sender's profile.

DARVO in messages

DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — is a defense mechanism that flips roles during conflict: deny the facts, attack the person reporting them, then position oneself as the victim. This pattern is particularly identifiable in written exchanges, because the message timeline preserves the exact structure of the reversal. The Karpman triangle module and the cognitive distortions analysis pick up these sequences.

Coercive control and emotional abuse

Progressive isolation, systematic guilt-tripping, control over schedules or friendships: the Duluth wheel maps these control mechanisms within the relationship. The Walker cycle (tension → explosion → honeymoon) identifies the typical cyclical structure of abusive relationships — a pattern rarely recognized by those involved until it's visualized over time.

Trauma bonding and emotional dependency

Why stay in a relationship that causes pain? Trauma bonding forms through an alternation of intense moments and tense phases, creating a dependency that has nothing rational about it. Young's schemas (abandonment, emotional deprivation, subjugation) and Gottman's positive-negative ratio help objectify this alternation.

Love bombing and early idealization

Conversely, a relationship start marked by disproportionate emotional intensity (constant messages, early declarations, excessive gifts) can be a signal to watch rather than proof of compatibility. The Sternberg triangle (intimacy, passion, commitment) checks whether all three dimensions progress in balance, or whether one overwhelms the other two.

How the analysis works

The process is deliberately simple, so the technology fades behind the psychology.

Step 1: Import your conversation

Go to the import page and drop your conversation file. ScanMyLove accepts exports from WhatsApp, Telegram, Messenger, Instagram, SMS, as well as CSV and XML files. You can also import screenshots from any app: iMessage, Snapchat, Tinder, Bumble, Hinge — optical recognition handles transcribing the messages.

Import your conversation

Step 2: Local, secure parsing

Your conversation is analyzed directly on your device for this first step. Parsing identifies both participants, timestamps each message, and structures everything for analysis.

Step 3: Instant dashboard

Within seconds, you get a full dashboard showing the main statistical trends of your conversation: exchange ratio, time heatmap, dominant keywords and emojis, average response time.

Step 4: In-depth analysis report

The paid report applies the 14 psychological grids to your exchanges and produces a personalized clinical analysis, with examples drawn from your own messages and concrete recommendations.

The analysis report: what's inside

Essential Report — €1.99

8 sections covering the fundamental dimensions of the relationship: each partner's attachment style, presence of Gottman's four horsemen, positive-negative ratio, identified cognitive distortions, power dynamics, emotional reactivity, relational prognosis, and initial recommendations.

Premium Report — €3.99

The full Essential report, plus Young's 18 schemas, a personalized action plan, 30 contextual chat messages with your report, and a downloadable PDF.

See pricing

Chatting with your report

Once your report is generated, you can chat directly with the analysis to dig into a specific point: "Why is my attachment score anxious?", "What you call contempt, concretely, where is it in our messages?", "Is my partner avoidant or just introverted?". The chat draws on your own messages, not generic advice.

Security and anonymity

• No conversation is stored: your file is processed then deleted.
• No sign-up required, no email except for payment.
• Secure payment via Stripe — ScanMyLove never sees your banking details.
• No advertising tracking cookies.
• Temporary reports: download links expire.

The 14 psychological models, in brief

Gottman (four horsemen, 5:1 ratio) · Young's schemas (18 early maladaptive schemas) · attachment styles (Bowlby/Ainsworth) · Sternberg's triangle (intimacy/passion/commitment) · Chapman's 5 love languages · Nonviolent Communication (Rosenberg) · DISC profile · Karpman's triangle (rescuer/victim/persecutor) · Johari window · FIRO model (Schutz) · polyvagal theory (Porges) · Walker cycle · Duluth wheel · cognitive distortions (CBT).

Discover the full methodology

Who is ScanMyLove for?

Couples with questions — putting words to a vague feeling, before a conversation with your partner or a first consultation. After a breakup — retrospectively understanding which patterns were at play, turning "I don't understand what happened" into a clear grasp of the dynamics involved. As prevention — detecting a declining positive-negative ratio or a settling-in avoidance pattern, before these tendencies become entrenched habits. Support professionals — an objectified support tool to use alongside therapeutic follow-up.

Start your analysis

• Analyze my conversation now
• See pricing
• Explore the methodology
• Take an attachment test

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ScanMyLove is a psychological analysis tool, not a substitute for therapy. If you are experiencing domestic violence, in France call 3919 (Violences Femmes Info) or 3114 (national suicide prevention line); elsewhere, find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. In case of immediate danger, contact your local emergency services (114 by SMS in France).

FAQ

How does ScanMyLove detect the silent treatment in a conversation?

By analyzing how response time and message frequency evolve over time. A sharp, lasting shift — rather than a one-off variation — signals progressive disengagement rather than a simply busy schedule.

Can ScanMyLove confirm gaslighting or emotional abuse?

The tool objectifies textual patterns (recurring cognitive distortions, Duluth-wheel control mechanisms, the Walker tension-explosion-honeymoon cycle) from your messages. It's a comprehension aid, not a clinical diagnosis — if you suspect an abusive situation, professional support remains necessary.

Do I need my partner's consent to analyze a conversation?

ScanMyLove analyzes your own conversation export, on your own initiative, for your own understanding. The tool does not collect or share any data — see the security and anonymity section above.

Related reads

• Why your partner doesn't get you (and how to fix it)
• Why you can't leave, even when you want to
• 10 toxic messages killing your couple