Am I Too Demanding as a Parent? — Self-Test

This test covers personal standards, perfectionism, comparison, failure, frustration, rumination, recognition, control, identity, independence, pleasure, shame, anxiety, secrecy and readiness to change. What the test asks, for example Personal standards If you expect your child to give their best in every situation. If you value your child's efforts and progress more than their raw results. Perfectionism If you believe your child is capable of better than what they currently produce. If you minimize your child's successes by relativizing them — good, but you can still do better. Comparison If you sometimes compare your child to other children who seem more advanced or more successful. If you find it hard to accept your child being 'average' in an area where you believe they could be good. Failure If you feel personally like a failure when your child fails. If you find it hard to let go of a poor school or sports result from your child. Frustration If you feel disappointed when your child does not reach the goals you set for them. If, when your child gets a poor result, you react with visible disappointment. Rumination If you come back to a disappointing result several times, even after it has passed. If you often think about what your child could have done differently to get a better result. Recognition If you congratulate successes more easily than you express unconditional support. If you respond differently to your child depending on whether they have done well or poorly at something. Control If you make decisions about your child's activities or priorities without really asking their opinion. If you organize your child's schedule to offer them as many enriching activities as possible. Identity If you struggle to distinguish what your child wants from what you would like for them. If you sometimes feel more invested in your child's goals than they are. Independence If you find it hard to accept that your child is interested in activities that seem useless or unvalued to you. If you find it hard to accept that your child functions or develops at a different pace than you expected. Pleasure If you perceive your child's free play or rest time as a waste of time. If you find it hard to let your child use their free time without structured or productive activity. Shame If your child expresses shame or embarrassment when their results fall below your expectations. If your child spontaneously says things like 'I'll never be good enough'. Anxiety If your child seems anxious before tests or competitions. If your child redoes homework or exercises because they anticipate it will not satisfy you. Secrecy If you notice your child tries to hide certain results or mistakes from you. If your child avoids talking to you about their results or difficulties. Readiness to change If you want to reflect on how you convey your expectations to your child and, if needed, to adjust. If you are ready to change certain parenting attitudes when that benefits your child.