
Together, but No Longer Talking
Relationship communication, recurring conflicts, and exercises for couples
By Gildas Garrec · 220 pages · 2025
About this book
A relationship book about recurring conflicts, communication and exercises for couples.
Is your relationship in crisis, and you can no longer tell whether it's repairable or ending? Do you argue in circles without ever resolving anything — or, worse, have you stopped arguing altogether? This guide draws on the work of John Gottman, who predicts divorce with over 90% accuracy after watching a couple interact for just fifteen minutes: you'll learn to spot the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) that signal real danger, and to restore the five-to-one ratio of positive to negative interactions that characterizes stable couples. The book combines this model with Bowlby's attachment theory, Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication, and Gary Chapman's five love languages, in a concrete, week-by-week program designed to turn good intentions into new habits. Every chapter pairs scientific research with practical exercises to defuse conflict, rebuild marital friendship, and rekindle genuine intimacy — not ready-made recipes, but a proven, structured method for couples willing to do the work.
Table of contents
- 1When Love Falters
- 2What This Book Offers
- 3How to Use This Book
- 4A Word of Caution
- 5Outline of the Book
- 6When the Ground Gives Way
- 7What Is a Relationship Crisis? Distinguishing Normal from Destructive
- 8The Story of Sophie and Thomas
- 9The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
- 10The Phenomenon of Emotional Flooding
- 11The Cascade Toward Disengagement
- 12What the Numbers Tell Us
- 13Practical Exercise: The Four Horsemen Journal
- 14Back to Sophie and Thomas
- 15Key Points of Chapter 1
- 16The Invisible Roots
- 17Attachment: The Invisible Foundation of Love
- 18The Story of Marc and Lea
- 19Family Patterns and Unconscious Scripts
- 20The Erosion of Daily Life
- 21The Role of Life Transitions
- 22From Passionate Love to Companionate Love: What Neurobiology Tells Us
- 23Practical Exercise: Mapping Your Relationship History
- 24Back to Marc and Lea
- 25Key Points of Chapter 2
- 26Bibliographic References (Chapters 1 and 2)
- 27The Magic Ratio: 5 Positive Interactions for Every 1 Negative
- 28The Sound Relationship House: A Model for Understanding Everything
- 29The Case of Amelie and Vincent
- 30Love Maps: Do You Really Know Your Partner?
- 31Trust and Commitment: The Invisible Pillars
- 32Identifying YOUR Specific Problems
- 33Solvable Problems vs. Perpetual Problems
- 34Exercise: "Your Couple's Health Check"
- 35Back to Amelie and Vincent
- 36Key Points of Chapter 3
- 37The Fundamentals of CBT Applied to Couples
- 38Cognitive Distortions in Couples
- 39The Case of Julie and Karim
- 40The ABC Model in Couples
- 41Automatic Thoughts vs. Core Beliefs
- 42Behavioral Experiments for Couples
- 43Exercise: "Beck's Columns for Couples"
- 44Back to Julie and Karim
- 45Key Points of Chapter 4
- 46Bibliographic References (Chapters 3 and 4)
- 47The Communication Crisis: Why Couples Stop Talking
- 48The Four Steps of Nonviolent Communication
- 49"You" Messages and "I" Messages
- 50Active Listening: The Principles of Rogers' Empathic Listening
- 51The Speaker-Listener Technique
- 52Emotional Validation: The Art of Making the Other Feel Heard
- 53Gottman's "Dreams Within Conflict" Approach
- 54Back to Clara and Antoine
- 55The Five Love Languages
- 56Gottman's Connection Rituals
- 57Marriage in Six Hours a Week
- 58Creating Shared Meaning and Common Life Dreams
- 59The Eight-Week Program
- 60Back to Nadia and Pierre
- 61The Anxious-Avoidant Trap: When Attachment Styles Collide
- 62Case Study: Isabelle and David
- 63When Infidelity Is a Symptom (Not the Disease)
- 64Blended Families: Specific Challenges and Solutions
- 65When a Partner Suffers from Depression or Anxiety
- 66Long-Distance Relationships
- 67When to Seek Professional Help
- 68When Saving the Relationship Is Not Possible: Conscious Uncoupling
- 69Practical Exercise: Mapping Your Triggers
- 70Back to Isabelle and David
- 71Key Points of Chapter 7
- 72The Myth of the Effortless Relationship
- 73Case Study: Catherine and Olivier
- 74Preventing Relapse: Early Warning Signals
- 75Turning Toward Each Other: A Daily Practice
- 76Maintaining Emotional Intimacy Across the Decades
- 77Sexual Intimacy: Discordant Desire and Renewal
- 78Couples Who Last: What Research Teaches Us
- 79Gratitude and Appreciation: Daily Practices
- 80Creating New Experiences Together
- 81Practical Exercise: The Six-Month Maintenance Plan
- 82Back to Catherine and Olivier
- 83Key Points of Chapter 8
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