Relationship Tests: What's Really Going On Between You Two

March 23, 2026

To explore this topic further, check out my book: Emotional Dependency(PDF €4.99)

Why Test Your Couple? The Power of Structured Self-Assessment

You have a doubt about your relationship. Something is not right, but you cannot name it. Your friends give you contradictory advice. Your own judgment is clouded by emotions. It is precisely in these moments that a structured psychological test becomes a valuable tool.

In the article that follows, I explore communication within the couple. If you recognise yourself in this theme, I designed a couple communication test that helps you take stock of your communication patterns as a couple. It comes with a guide to extend your reflection beyond the results. I also wrote a book on this subject, Saving Your Relationship: Communication, Crises, and Renewal, if you would like to go further.

In clinical psychology, self-assessment scales are not "magazine quizzes." They are instruments built on decades of research, statistically validated, designed to measure specific dimensions of your relational functioning. They do not replace a therapist, but they offer an objective starting point — a mirror that does not lie.

This guide brings together all our tests and assessment tools. Each targets a different dimension of your relationship: emotional dependency, attachment style, manipulation dynamics, relational toxicity, personality traits. Together, they form a complete map of your love life.

Take the test: Emotional Dependency → — If a nagging doubt about your relationship won't leave you, start with this self-assessment of fear of abandonment and loss of identity.

Part 1 — Emotional Dependency Tests

Evaluate Your Score in 5 Minutes

Emotional dependency is a spectrum, not a switch. You are not "dependent" or "independent": you are somewhere on a continuum. This scoring test, inspired by the Spann-Fischer Codependency Scale and Peabody's Relationship Addiction Test (2005), measures your position on this continuum and identifies the most affected dimensions.

The advantage of a numerical score: it is less subject to minimization or exaggeration than subjective impressions. You know exactly where you stand.

The 30-Question Test

More in-depth than the quick scoring, this 30-question test explores the different facets of emotional dependency: fear of abandonment, need for reassurance, self-sacrifice, tolerance of the intolerable, loss of identity in the relationship. Each question is calibrated to criteria used in clinical psychology and CBT.

The Express 20-Question Test

You have a doubt and want a quick answer. This 20-question test gets straight to the point: compulsive phone checking, panic at silence, canceling plans "just in case," permanent knot in the stomach. Immediate result with an initial indication of your dependency level.

Part 2 — Manipulation and Control Tests

Detect Gaslighting in Your Couple

Gaslighting — manipulation that makes you doubt your own perception of reality — is one of the most insidious forms of psychological abuse. This 15-question test, based on the work of Robin Stern (The Gaslight Effect, 2007), evaluates gaslighting patterns in your relationship. Your conversations may contain clues you have never noticed.

Are You with a Narcissistic Abuser?

This question haunts thousands of people. This 20-question test evaluates signs of narcissistic abuse in your relationship: idealization-devaluation, emotional manipulation, progressive isolation, guilt reversal. It does not replace a professional diagnosis, but it offers structured insight on an often confusing situation. I return to it at greater length in Understanding Your Attachment Style.

Part 3 — Toxic Relationship Test

The 30-Question Test That Tells the Truth

You have this diffuse feeling that something is wrong. Some days, everything seems normal. Others, you are exhausted, diminished. This 30-question test, based on validated clinical criteria (Gottman, Walker, Bancroft), objectively evaluates the toxicity of your relationship. The mere fact of seeking this test is already an important signal.

Part 4 — Attachment Test

What Is Your Attachment Style?

Anxious, avoidant, disorganized, or secure? Your attachment style — forged in childhood from your relationship with caregivers — largely determines how you love. This test, based on the work of Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991), identifies your dominant style and its implications for your love life.

Part 5 — Personality Test

The Big Five (OCEAN): The Only Personality Test Validated by 50 Years of Research

Among the hundreds of personality tests available, only one achieves consensus in the scientific community: the Big Five (OCEAN model). Five dimensions — Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, Neuroticism — that combined explain a significant portion of your relational functioning. Understanding your Big Five profile means understanding why certain conflicts keep recurring in your couple.

Part 6 — The Most Complete Analysis: ScanMyLove

14 Psychological Models Applied to Your Conversations

This is not a quiz with declarative answers. It is an analysis of your real behaviors, as they manifest in your daily exchanges. And behaviors do not lie.

Analyze your conversations on ScanMyLove

How to Use These Tests Effectively

Start with the attachment test. Your attachment style is the foundation on which all your relational behaviors rest.

Evaluate your level of emotional dependency. It is the most frequent consequence of insecure attachment.

If you suspect a toxic dynamic, take the gaslighting, narcissistic abuse, and toxic relationship tests.

For a global view, the Big Five will give you insight into your fundamental personality traits.

For the most objective analysis, upload your conversations to ScanMyLove. Declarative tests have a limitation: you answer what you think, not what you do. Conversational analysis captures what you actually do.

Index of Available Tests

Emotional Dependency

Manipulation and Control

Relational Toxicity

Toxic Relationship Test: 30 Questions

Attachment and Personality

Conversational Analysis

ScanMyLove: 14 Psychological Models Applied to Your Conversations

Take the Psy Test → — 60 questions, anonymous, PDF report (€2.90).

FAQ

What are the key warning signs that relationship tests is affecting my relationship?

Uncover what's really going on in your relationship. Key warning signs include persistent emotional distress specifically tied to the relationship, repetitive conflict patterns that never resolve, and growing disconnection between what you feel and what you're able to express.

How does CBT approach relationship tests in relationship therapy?

CBT identifies the automatic thoughts and avoidance behaviors that maintain relationship distress. Cognitive restructuring helps develop more balanced interpretations of a partner's behavior, while behavioral experiments test whether feared outcomes actually occur — often revealing they're less catastrophic than anticipated.

When is individual therapy enough for relationship tests, versus needing couples therapy?

Individual therapy is often the first step when one partner isn't ready for joint work, or when personal cognitive schemas are the primary driver of distress. Couples formats like EFT or the Gottman Method add significant value when both partners are engaged and the relational dynamic itself needs addressing.

In short: Structured psychological tests based on clinical research can help people objectively assess their relationships when emotions cloud judgment and friends offer conflicting advice. Self-assessment scales differ fundamentally from magazine quizzes because they are statistically validated instruments built on decades of research, measuring specific dimensions of relational functioning without replacing therapy. The website offers comprehensive assessment tools targeting different relationship aspects: emotional dependency evaluated through quick scores or detailed questionnaires measuring fear of abandonment and identity loss, manipulation detection including gaslighting and narcissistic abuse patterns, toxicity assessment using validated criteria from researchers like Gottman and Bancroft, attachment style identification based on Bartholomew and Horowitz's framework, and the Big Five personality model supported by fifty years of scientific consensus. These tests function as objective mirrors revealing where someone stands on relationship spectrums rather than categorical judgments, with the most advanced analysis examining real conversations through fourteen psychological models simultaneously for comprehensive relational reports.

About the author

Gildas Garrec · CBT Psychopractitioner

Certified psychopractitioner in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), author of 16 books on applied psychology and relationships. Over 1000 clinical articles published across Psychologie et Serenite.

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