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Infidelity and Jealousy

Understand, Overcome, Rebuild

By Gildas Garrec · 220 pages · 2025

About this book

63 % des couples restent ensemble après une infidélité. Protocole Snyder/Baucom en 3 phases (impact, signification, avancée), gestion de la jalousie pathologique, reconstruction de la confiance.

You've just discovered an infidelity, or it's a jealousy you can no longer control that's eating away at you — and you no longer know whether your relationship can, or should, survive? This clinical guide draws on the work of recognized researchers (John Gottman, Shirley Glass, Esther Perel) and on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to explore, without judgment, why people cheat, what neuroscience reveals about jealousy (it activates the same brain circuits as physical pain), and how to get through the shock of discovery. Eight chapters guide you from the psychological mechanisms of infidelity and its new digital forms to five concrete steps for overcoming betrayal, the question of forgiveness, and — if it's the right decision — leaving. The final chapter addresses rebuilding trust, whether with the same partner or a new one. Every chapter offers anonymized clinical cases and practical exercises, to do alone or as a couple, to help you make informed choices instead of ones dictated by panic or shame.

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Table of contents

  1. 1Understanding, Overcoming, Deciding
  2. 2Crisis resources
  3. 3When Trust Wavers
  4. 4The Enigma of Infidelity
  5. 5Insights from Evolutionary Psychology
  6. 6The Different Types of Infidelity
  7. 7Individual Factors
  8. 8Relational Factors
  9. 9Situational and Contextual Factors
  10. 10The New Face of Infidelity
  11. 11The Invisible Boundary
  12. 12The Brain in the Age of Swiping
  13. 13Online Emotional Infidelity: Betrayal Without Contact
  14. 14Financial and Digital Infidelity
  15. 15Digital Surveillance: A Trap for the Couple
  16. 16The Green-Eyed Monster
  17. 17The Evolutionary Function of Jealousy
  18. 18Healthy Jealousy vs. Destructive Jealousy
  19. 19Jealousy and Attachment Styles
  20. 20Robert Leahy's Cognitive Model of Jealousy
  21. 21Relationship OCD (ROCD): When Jealousy Becomes Obsessional
  22. 22Retroactive Jealousy
  23. 23The Day Everything Changes
  24. 24The Anatomy of Shock
  25. 25Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder
  26. 26Diffuse Physiological Arousal: Gottman's Concept
  27. 27The First 48 Hours: What to Do — and What Not to Do
  28. 28The Shockwave in the Family
  29. 29The Path Exists — But It Is Long
  30. 30Gordon, Baucom, and Snyder's Three-Phase Model
  31. 31The Question of Time: How Long Does It Take?
  32. 32Individual Therapy vs. Couple Therapy: Which to Choose?
  33. 33Step 1 — Disclosure: Telling the Truth
  34. 34Step 2 — Emotional Processing: Weathering the Storm
  35. 35Step 3 — Understanding: Making Meaning
  36. 36Step 4 — Forgiveness: A Choice, Not an Obligation
  37. 37Step 5 — Reconstruction: Creating a New Couple
  38. 38The Most Loaded Word in the Language
  39. 39What Forgiveness Is NOT
  40. 40Enright's Model: The Four Phases of Forgiveness
  41. 41The Measurable Benefits of Forgiveness
  42. 42Worthington's REACH Model: A Structured Method
  43. 43The Neuroscience of Forgiveness: What Happens in the Brain
  44. 44Forgiving Oneself: The Forgotten Work of the Unfaithful Partner
  45. 45The Courage to Say "Enough"
  46. 46When Trust Can No Longer Be Rebuilt
  47. 47Serial Infidelity: A Pattern to Recognize
  48. 48Signals That It Is Time to Leave
  49. 49Leaving with Children: The Most Difficult Question
  50. 50Co-Parenting After Separation: Protecting the Children
  51. 51A Decision Framework: Stay or Leave?
  52. 52Financial and Practical Considerations: The Necessary Taboo
  53. 53The Most Delicate Construction Project
  54. 54The Stages of Reconstruction
  55. 55Transparency vs. Surveillance: A Crucial Distinction
  56. 56Gottman's Trust Rebuilding System
  57. 57Concrete Behaviors That Rebuild Trust
  58. 58Rebuilding Intimacy: The Most Intimate Path
  59. 59The Traps of Reconstruction
  60. 60Rebuilding Trust in a New Relationship
  61. 61Beyond the Wound
  62. 62What Science Teaches Us — and What It Cannot Tell Us
  63. 63A Word of Hope
  64. 64Scientific References (Peer-Reviewed Articles)
  65. 65Reference Works
  66. 66About the Author
  67. 67In the Same Collection
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