My Ex Moved On. I Haven’t.
Coping with an ex’s new relationship, comparison, and social media checking
By Gildas Garrec · 180 pages · 2025
About this book
Cope with an ex’s new relationship, painful comparisons and social media checking. A CBT-based guide to rebuilding self-esteem and returning attention to your own life.
You've just learned that your ex is in a new relationship, and the news has reopened a pain you thought you'd overcome? This clinical guide explains why this piece of information can hurt as much as a second breakup: it relaunches a grief you believed was finished, triggers the idealization trap, and pulls you into devastating social comparisons — a mechanism first described back in 1954 by psychologist Leon Festinger, and shown by more recent research to be especially damaging when self-esteem is already fragile. Ten chapters guide you from understanding this specific pain to a digital detox from monitoring their social media, rebuilding self-esteem, forgiveness as liberation, and redefining who you are outside that relationship. Grounded in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), this book doesn't promise to erase the pain overnight, but offers a progressive method for you to stop comparing, stop watching, and reopen your heart to your own life.
Table of contents
- 1Introduction — When the Ground Gives Way a Second Time
- 2PART ONE — Understanding the Storm
- 3Chapter 1 — Why It Hurts So Much to Know
- 4Chapter 2 — The Grief Reawakened
- 5Chapter 3 — The Idealization Trap
- 6Chapter 4 — The Digital Detox
- 7Bibliographic References (Part One)
- 8The Emotional Storm of the Displaced Parent
- 9The Impact on Children: What the Research Says
- 10The Loyalty Conflict: The Invisible Trap
- 11The Stepparent: Neither Parent Nor Stranger
- 12The Traps of Toxic Co-Parenting
- 13Building Functional Co-Parenting: The "Parental Colleagues" Model
- 14Specific Situations: When Co-Parenting Gets Complicated
- 15The Legal Dimension: Rights and Limits of the Stepparent
- 16Holidays and Events: Navigating Troubled Waters
- 17The Anatomy of Broken Self-Esteem
- 18Cognitive Distortions Specific to Comparison with the New Partner
- 19Self-Compassion: A Scientific Revolution
- 20Reconstruction Through Values
- 21The Trap of External Validation
- 22The Body as an Anchor
- 23Rebuilding Social Bonds
- 24Relational Impostor Syndrome
- 25Comparison with the New Partner: The Slow Poison
- 26The Role of the Body in Rebuilding Self-Esteem
- 27Breadcrumbing: The Art of Leaving Crumbs
- 28The Return-Relapse Cycle: Understanding the Dynamic
- 29The Decision Framework: Seven Questions Before Answering
- 30Warning Signs: When the Return Is Toxic
- 31The "Grass Is Greener" Effect and Return Syndrome
- 32The Neurobiology of Return: Why Your Brain Traps You
- 33Suspicious Timing: Why Exes Always Come Back at the Worst Moment
- 34The Power of "No": Choosing Not to Return
- 35Post-Traumatic Growth: When Pain Becomes Transformation
- 36Neuroplasticity in Service of Rebirth
- 37Building a New Identity: The Post-Breakup Self
- 38The Work of Meaning-Making
- 39The Closure Ritual: Saying Goodbye to the Old Story
- 40Relearning to Love: The Conditions for a New Beginning
- 41Relational Lessons: What This Ordeal Taught You
- 42Reference Works
- 43Scientific Articles
- 44The Essentials of Applied Psychology
- 45Outside the Collection
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