The Relationship Ended. My Life Didn’t.
A breakup recovery guide to grief, longing, and rebuilding your daily life
By Gildas Garrec · 200 pages · 2025
About this book
A book about coping with a breakup, missing an ex and rebuilding everyday life.
A breakup can hurt just as much, physically, as grief or withdrawal — and you're wondering if this pain will ever stop? This guide walks you through the five stages of romantic grief identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), explaining why a breakup activates the same brain regions as physical pain and withdrawal from an addictive substance. Grounded in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), it offers concrete strategies for moving through the pain without getting stuck in it: why and how to practice no contact, how to deal with ghosting and digital-age breakups, how your attachment style shapes the way you experience separation, and how to rebuild an identity that no longer depends on the other person. The final chapter addresses the pitfalls of rebounding and the conditions for finding your way back to a peaceful emotional life — the breakup as a metamorphosis, not just a loss.
Table of contents
- 1Stage 1: Denial — "This can't be happening"
- 2Stage 2: Anger — "How could he/she do this to me?"
- 3Stage 3: Bargaining — "What if I changed, would he/she come back?"
- 4Stage 4: Depression — "What's the point of going on?"
- 5Stage 5: Acceptance — "It's over, and I'm going to live with it"
- 6The Duration of Grief: A Question Without a Universal Answer
- 7PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "Where am I in my grief?"
- 8Key Points of Chapter 1
- 9Love in the Brain: A Reward System
- 10The Breakup: A Neurochemical Withdrawal
- 11The Physical Pain of Breakup: It Is Not in Your Head
- 12Oxytocin Withdrawal: The Hidden Dimension of Suffering
- 13Post-Breakup Obsession: A Brain in Search Mode
- 14Rumination: When the Brain Runs in Loops
- 15Gender Differences in Facing Breakups
- 16The Brain in Reconstruction
- 17PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Emotional Detox Plan"
- 18Key Points of Chapter 2
- 19The Scientific Basis of No Contact
- 20The Psychological Mechanisms at Play
- 21How to Implement No Contact
- 22No Contact in the Digital Age: Unprecedented Challenges
- 23Relapse Prevention: A Structured Protocol
- 24Complex Situations
- 25PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Personalized No Contact Protocol"
- 26SUPPLEMENTARY EXERCISE — "My Anti-Relapse Plan"
- 27Key Points of Chapter 3
- 28Ghosting: Vanishing Without a Word
- 29Breadcrumbing: Crumbs of Attention
- 30Orbiting: Leaving Without Really Leaving
- 31Zombieing: The Return of Ghosts
- 32The Impact of Dating Apps on Breakup Patterns
- 33The Slow Fade: Breakup in Silent Mode
- 34The Slow Fade: Breakup in Silent Mode
- 35The Specific Psychological Consequences of Digital Breakups
- 36Digital Detox as a Therapeutic Act
- 37PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "Post-Breakup Digital Detox"
- 38SUPPLEMENTARY EXERCISE — "My Digital Breakup Profile"
- 39Key Points of Chapter 4
- 40Attachment Theory: A Brief Refresher
- 41Anxious Attachment Facing Breakup: System Hyperactivation
- 42The Deep Mechanisms of Anxious Hyperactivation
- 43Avoidant Attachment Facing Breakup: Deferred Grief
- 44Fearful Attachment Facing Breakup: Inner Chaos
- 45How Attachment Style Influences Healing
- 46PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Attachment Style Facing the Breakup"
- 47Key Points of Chapter 5
- 48Why Breakup Threatens Identity
- 49Symptoms of Identity Loss
- 50The Reconstruction Process
- 51Post-Traumatic Growth: When the Breakup Becomes a Catalyst
- 52Self-Compassion: The Underappreciated Key to Reconstruction
- 53Identity Reconstruction in Long Relationships
- 54PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Post-Breakup Vision Board"
- 55PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "The 10 Things I Reclaim"
- 56Key Points of Chapter 6
- 57Anatomy of the Rebound Relationship
- 58The Different Forms of Rebound
- 59The Science of Rebound Relationships
- 60Healthy Coping Versus Destructive Coping
- 61Warning Signs of Rebound
- 62When Going Out Again Is Healthy
- 63PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "Am I Ready to Love Again?"
- 64Key Points of Chapter 7
- 65The Fear of Loving Again: A Protection Turned Prison
- 66Limiting Beliefs to Identify
- 67Choosing Differently: Contributions from Attachment Theory
- 68Readiness Indicators: Are You Ready to Love Again?
- 69Building Secure Attachment: The Concept of Earned Security
- 70Choosing Differently: From Repetition to Awareness
- 71The Question of "Non-Negotiables"
- 72PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My List of Non-Negotiables"
- 73PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Healthy Partner Profile"
- 74Key Points of Chapter 8
- 75Scientific References (PubMed Articles)
- 76Reference Works
- 77In the Same Collection
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