Surviving the Breakup: From Heartbreak to Renewal
5 phases du deuil amoureux et stratégies de reconstruction
By Gildas Garrec · 200 pages · 2025
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About this book
Guide TCC pour traverser une rupture amoureuse : 5 phases du deuil, neuroscience de l'attachement brisé, no contact, reconstruction d'identité, retour à la vie sociale.
A breakup can hurt just as much, physically, as grief or withdrawal — and you're wondering if this pain will ever stop? This guide walks you through the five stages of romantic grief identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), explaining why a breakup activates the same brain regions as physical pain and withdrawal from an addictive substance. Grounded in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), it offers concrete strategies for moving through the pain without getting stuck in it: why and how to practice no contact, how to deal with ghosting and digital-age breakups, how your attachment style shapes the way you experience separation, and how to rebuild an identity that no longer depends on the other person. The final chapter addresses the pitfalls of rebounding and the conditions for finding your way back to a peaceful emotional life — the breakup as a metamorphosis, not just a loss.
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Take the breakup test →Table of contents
- 1From Heartbreak to Renewal — Neuroscience, Attachment, and Recovery Exercises
- 2Stage 1: Denial — "This can't be happening"
- 3Stage 2: Anger — "How could he/she do this to me?"
- 4Stage 3: Bargaining — "What if I changed, would he/she come back?"
- 5Stage 4: Depression — "What's the point of going on?"
- 6Stage 5: Acceptance — "It's over, and I'm going to live with it"
- 7The Duration of Grief: A Question Without a Universal Answer
- 8PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "Where am I in my grief?"
- 9Key Points of Chapter 1
- 10Love in the Brain: A Reward System
- 11The Breakup: A Neurochemical Withdrawal
- 12The Physical Pain of Breakup: It Is Not in Your Head
- 13Oxytocin Withdrawal: The Hidden Dimension of Suffering
- 14Post-Breakup Obsession: A Brain in Search Mode
- 15Rumination: When the Brain Runs in Loops
- 16Gender Differences in Facing Breakups
- 17The Brain in Reconstruction
- 18PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Emotional Detox Plan"
- 19Key Points of Chapter 2
- 20The Scientific Basis of No Contact
- 21The Psychological Mechanisms at Play
- 22How to Implement No Contact
- 23No Contact in the Digital Age: Unprecedented Challenges
- 24Relapse Prevention: A Structured Protocol
- 25Complex Situations
- 26PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Personalized No Contact Protocol"
- 27SUPPLEMENTARY EXERCISE — "My Anti-Relapse Plan"
- 28Key Points of Chapter 3
- 29Ghosting: Vanishing Without a Word
- 30Breadcrumbing: Crumbs of Attention
- 31Orbiting: Leaving Without Really Leaving
- 32Zombieing: The Return of Ghosts
- 33The Impact of Dating Apps on Breakup Patterns
- 34The Slow Fade: Breakup in Silent Mode
- 35The Slow Fade: Breakup in Silent Mode
- 36The Specific Psychological Consequences of Digital Breakups
- 37Digital Detox as a Therapeutic Act
- 38PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "Post-Breakup Digital Detox"
- 39SUPPLEMENTARY EXERCISE — "My Digital Breakup Profile"
- 40Key Points of Chapter 4
- 41Attachment Theory: A Brief Refresher
- 42Anxious Attachment Facing Breakup: System Hyperactivation
- 43The Deep Mechanisms of Anxious Hyperactivation
- 44Avoidant Attachment Facing Breakup: Deferred Grief
- 45Fearful Attachment Facing Breakup: Inner Chaos
- 46How Attachment Style Influences Healing
- 47PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Attachment Style Facing the Breakup"
- 48Key Points of Chapter 5
- 49Why Breakup Threatens Identity
- 50Symptoms of Identity Loss
- 51The Reconstruction Process
- 52Post-Traumatic Growth: When the Breakup Becomes a Catalyst
- 53Self-Compassion: The Underappreciated Key to Reconstruction
- 54Identity Reconstruction in Long Relationships
- 55PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Post-Breakup Vision Board"
- 56PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "The 10 Things I Reclaim"
- 57Key Points of Chapter 6
- 58Anatomy of the Rebound Relationship
- 59The Different Forms of Rebound
- 60The Science of Rebound Relationships
- 61Healthy Coping Versus Destructive Coping
- 62Warning Signs of Rebound
- 63When Going Out Again Is Healthy
- 64PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "Am I Ready to Love Again?"
- 65Key Points of Chapter 7
- 66The Fear of Loving Again: A Protection Turned Prison
- 67Limiting Beliefs to Identify
- 68Choosing Differently: Contributions from Attachment Theory
- 69Readiness Indicators: Are You Ready to Love Again?
- 70Building Secure Attachment: The Concept of Earned Security
- 71Choosing Differently: From Repetition to Awareness
- 72The Question of "Non-Negotiables"
- 73PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My List of Non-Negotiables"
- 74PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Healthy Partner Profile"
- 75Key Points of Chapter 8
- 76Scientific References (PubMed Articles)
- 77Reference Works
- 78Crisis resources
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