Surviving the Breakup: From Heartbreak to Renewal
The 5 Stages of Romantic Grief and Strategies for Rebuilding
By Gildas Garrec · 200 pages · 2025
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About this book
A book about coping with a breakup, missing an ex and rebuilding everyday life. Explore the contents and read a free sample.
A breakup can hurt just as much, physically, as grief or withdrawal — and you're wondering if this pain will ever stop? This guide walks you through the five stages of romantic grief identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), explaining why a breakup activates the same brain regions as physical pain and withdrawal from an addictive substance. Grounded in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), it offers concrete strategies for moving through the pain without getting stuck in it: why and how to practice no contact, how to deal with ghosting and digital-age breakups, how your attachment style shapes the way you experience separation, and how to rebuild an identity that no longer depends on the other person. The final chapter addresses the pitfalls of rebounding and the conditions for finding your way back to a peaceful emotional life — the breakup as a metamorphosis, not just a loss.
Table of contents
- 1From Heartbreak to Renewal — Neuroscience, Attachment, and Recovery Exercises
- 2Crisis resources
- 3Stage 1: Denial — "This can't be happening"
- 4Stage 2: Anger — "How could he/she do this to me?"
- 5Stage 3: Bargaining — "What if I changed, would he/she come back?"
- 6Stage 4: Depression — "What's the point of going on?"
- 7Stage 5: Acceptance — "It's over, and I'm going to live with it"
- 8The Duration of Grief: A Question Without a Universal Answer
- 9PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "Where am I in my grief?"
- 10Key Points of Chapter 1
- 11Love in the Brain: A Reward System
- 12The Breakup: A Neurochemical Withdrawal
- 13The Physical Pain of Breakup: It Is Not in Your Head
- 14Oxytocin Withdrawal: The Hidden Dimension of Suffering
- 15Post-Breakup Obsession: A Brain in Search Mode
- 16Rumination: When the Brain Runs in Loops
- 17Gender Differences in Facing Breakups
- 18The Brain in Reconstruction
- 19PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Emotional Detox Plan"
- 20Key Points of Chapter 2
- 21The Scientific Basis of No Contact
- 22The Psychological Mechanisms at Play
- 23How to Implement No Contact
- 24No Contact in the Digital Age: Unprecedented Challenges
- 25Relapse Prevention: A Structured Protocol
- 26Complex Situations
- 27PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Personalized No Contact Protocol"
- 28SUPPLEMENTARY EXERCISE — "My Anti-Relapse Plan"
- 29Key Points of Chapter 3
- 30Ghosting: Vanishing Without a Word
- 31Breadcrumbing: Crumbs of Attention
- 32Orbiting: Leaving Without Really Leaving
- 33Zombieing: The Return of Ghosts
- 34The Impact of Dating Apps on Breakup Patterns
- 35The Slow Fade: Breakup in Silent Mode
- 36The Slow Fade: Breakup in Silent Mode
- 37The Specific Psychological Consequences of Digital Breakups
- 38Digital Detox as a Therapeutic Act
- 39PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "Post-Breakup Digital Detox"
- 40SUPPLEMENTARY EXERCISE — "My Digital Breakup Profile"
- 41Key Points of Chapter 4
- 42Attachment Theory: A Brief Refresher
- 43Anxious Attachment Facing Breakup: System Hyperactivation
- 44The Deep Mechanisms of Anxious Hyperactivation
- 45Avoidant Attachment Facing Breakup: Deferred Grief
- 46Fearful Attachment Facing Breakup: Inner Chaos
- 47How Attachment Style Influences Healing
- 48PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Attachment Style Facing the Breakup"
- 49Key Points of Chapter 5
- 50Why Breakup Threatens Identity
- 51Symptoms of Identity Loss
- 52The Reconstruction Process
- 53Post-Traumatic Growth: When the Breakup Becomes a Catalyst
- 54Self-Compassion: The Underappreciated Key to Reconstruction
- 55Identity Reconstruction in Long Relationships
- 56PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Post-Breakup Vision Board"
- 57PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "The 10 Things I Reclaim"
- 58Key Points of Chapter 6
- 59Anatomy of the Rebound Relationship
- 60The Different Forms of Rebound
- 61The Science of Rebound Relationships
- 62Healthy Coping Versus Destructive Coping
- 63Warning Signs of Rebound
- 64When Going Out Again Is Healthy
- 65PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "Am I Ready to Love Again?"
- 66Key Points of Chapter 7
- 67The Fear of Loving Again: A Protection Turned Prison
- 68Limiting Beliefs to Identify
- 69Choosing Differently: Contributions from Attachment Theory
- 70Readiness Indicators: Are You Ready to Love Again?
- 71Building Secure Attachment: The Concept of Earned Security
- 72Choosing Differently: From Repetition to Awareness
- 73The Question of "Non-Negotiables"
- 74PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My List of Non-Negotiables"
- 75PRACTICAL EXERCISE — "My Healthy Partner Profile"
- 76Key Points of Chapter 8
- 77Scientific References (PubMed Articles)
- 78Reference Works
- 79In the Same Collection
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